I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
