if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
sarcasm needs its own font
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
