Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
