My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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