I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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