my vag is so smooth its legendary
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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