i just wanna soil my oats bro
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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