He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
