The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
