So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
