Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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