wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
