She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
