I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
