Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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