i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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