he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
