SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
