Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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