i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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