I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
