I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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