Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
