You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
