plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
