I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
