You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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