Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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