I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
