Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
