So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
