Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
being pregnant is like rehab
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
