I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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