i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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