How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
