just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
