how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
