I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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