I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
