It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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