By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they're like a gay fantastic four
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
