i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
