Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
