You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
