well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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