i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
