evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
