OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is it because I queefed?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
