phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
