Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
