Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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