I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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