Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
