i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
