Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
