Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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