he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
