I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
