what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
