Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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