just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
