there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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