Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
