"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
