Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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