I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
