Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
