Pappa wants mamma naked
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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