Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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