Sry I called you an 8
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize