stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
