the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
