You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
