I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
