yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
