haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
