we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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