watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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