Just fell off a train. Bad.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
