you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just pee around me
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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