After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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