Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
