Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Randomize
